China has unveiled a new visa category specifically designed for social media influencers: the OL (Obnoxious Livestreamer) visa. Launched on April 1, this innovative program seeks to attract loud, self-promoting individuals from around the globe through a tempting mix of benefits and privileges, provided they agree to showcase viral content highlighting the wonders of China.
Applicants need to have at least 1 million followers across platforms such as TikTok, Instagram, or YouTube. Those who are approved for the visa will be provided with free translators and accompanied by a group of enthusiastic supporters who will cheer and laugh on cue.
Once they arrive in China, holders of the OL visa must meet specific requirements to maintain their status:
— Capture exaggerated reactions while consuming Stinky Tofu, Durian Pizza, and Hundred-Year-Old Eggs.
— Proclaim the Liangma River as the most stunning water feature they have encountered since visiting the canals of Venice.
— Belt out "The Moon Represents My Heart" (月亮代表我的心) at a local karaoke venue.
— Express awe upon learning that the impressive structure in front of them was the Imperial Fertilizer Shed used by the 9th Emperor of the Yuan dynasty, Ma Feiliao (1314-1319), made from 14,432 wooden beams secured with rice flour and saliva, which burned down twice during the 1315-1316 Great Drought but was promptly rebuilt, covering 9,999 square meters and holding 121,631 cubic meters of manure.
— Fitness influencers are required to wake up at 5 a.m. to be outdone by an 80-year-old on the pull-up bars at Ritan Park.
Points will be awarded for every dramatic outburst, high-pitched squeal of joy, and slack-jawed gasp.
"We hope the OL visa will highlight China's rich culture in an unmistakably bold manner," said a representative from the Ministry of Viral Engagement. "Authenticity? Depth? Who needs those when you have endless three-second clips of someone shrieking with delight at a state-of-the-art Chinese-made EV console?"
Since the announcement, influencers worldwide have been flocking to the visa application site, sharing videos with captions like, "I HAVE to mukbang Peking Duck!" and "The Great Wall awaits my chainsaw-juggling act!"
However, not everyone is enthusiastic. Residents of Beijing's hutongs fear an influx of OLs exclaiming "OMG!" while documenting every moment of their daily lives with their smartphones.
"Do I really need more people dancing in front of my local mantou shop and shouting about 'hey, how about THESE buns?'" lamented one local. "Enough is enough."
Whether the OL visa is simply an amusing marketing gimmick or a glimpse into the future of tourism remains unclear. However, it is April 1, and stranger occurrences have certainly happened on this day in the past.
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Loud self-promoters have been targeted.